Man oh man, so much to write about and so little motivation. I look upon this like my old school coursework. If I’d done it the day I got it I wouldn’t have had to worry about doing it all last minute the night before (See I can be educational)
So…. where to start:
I nearly burned down Gamestation’s store room last week. Every lunchtime I take my coat with me and I’ll come back and put it on the hook above the back table. Now this one day I decided to throw it to save time and spend more time eating. So I finish my lunch about 20 minutes later and start working again. All of a sudden the fire alarm goes off. So we’re all like “hmm mustn’t be a drill” so we go and evacute everyone. By everyone I mean some cocks standing by the XBox pod who didn’t understand that a fire alarm with the staff evacuating was something to be alert to. They just stood there even after i patted them on the back and was like “come on lads”. Fools, honestly, should have left them there to burn the mongs
Anyhow I digress… So we go and evacuate and turn the alarm off and it goes off again. So G goes to investigate where its coming from. After a couple of minutes he walks back out laughing rather loudly telling me I’d left the kettle on. I was like “lolololol I didn’t turn the kettle on!”. Now I had thought about making myself a cup of coffee before I’d went on my lunch but I came back and couldn’t be arsed. When I’d went to inspect, what had happened was when I’d threw my coat it had landed on the kettles power button and by a stroke of bad luck, my pocket which I hold all my change in (Right hand side for any potential pick pocketers but try your luck and I’ll show you my super cool awesome karate chop action) was on top of it and had weighed it down so the kettle kept boiling with no water in it. Now to my knowledge, the kettle has been fucked and will no longer work, which ain’t too bad because we hardly ever use it anyhow. Would have been pretty gutted if I’d burned the whole place down though. Would have sucked majorly 
What else… A couple of days ago while on my lunch from Gamestation I’d went to buy Miss Debs some cheese frmo Tesco’s. She’d asked if I could purchase this one cheese she had her eye on. Was some sort of Australian cheese in a sausage shape, which when I found it, I was shocked to find that the cheese she had asked me to pur-chase was in fact only 21% cheese 
Thought that was a bit shocking myself, but none the less I bought it and pranced back with it
Now she’d told me there was a fluffy dead bird down the end of the street from work so for some reason I was looking around for this dead bird as one does (*shrugs*) and I suddenly saw this green thing fall in front of me and crack on the floor. I looked and it was this small green egg. I looked around for a culprit thinking some mong had tried to egg me but nobody around and nothing above me. Some bastarding bird had tried to egg me with an eggless egg. Could have held it in like
Next… for those whose known me pre-Preston days, they’ll know about the “D”
The D was a big letter D I acquired while on a night out in Preston with the ex. We’d came out of some club (For the life of me I can’t remember its name, its not the Warehouse its the other one… ooo! The Mill! Thats the one) and was walking back into town to go somewhere else cos it was shit (Symbolic of my time in Preston I feel) and we found this bottle of coke on the floor. And us being the drunken tards we were picked it up and threw it in the air to try and make it explode. One time we threw it up it hit something and it fell down followed by another clunk, now my ex and her mates ran and me being me just waddled around and found this letter D had fallen off the building and was like “rofl, I’m having this” and proceeded to carry it into town
Now I spent the rest of the night hiding this D under my coat and carryig it into pubs and clubs. The Warehouse bouncers asked for ID so I produced my passport, after which they enquired as to what was under my arm. “Oh its the letter D”, “Oh, where’d you get that then?”, to which I replied “Oh it was a birthday present off these lot”. Now having just seen my passport I was pretty dumbfounded as to why he didn’t question why I was getting a present a clear 4 months after my actual birthday but I wasn’t fighting it. Alas he said I couldn’t take it in but they would keep it behind the bar to which I agreed to. Now I wasn’t expecting to get it back at the end of the night I thought they would keep it and report it. But when I went back at closing time I asked for my letter D back and they produced it. So off pranced Benny, his ex and the sexy letter D back home
Surveying it the following day in a more sober state I couldn’t quite understand how I’d managed to get it home without attracting police attention but I wasn’t about to give it up. So as I lived in Cumbria still I ahd to go home the next day, so I took it home on the bus, again hiding it as best I could and avoiding the police around everywhere
But when I moved to Preston I took it with me and it stayed there when I left all those 6 months later. And just last week I was made aware that said ex is now trying to sell this giant letter D. How offended am I The least she could have done was send it back, I could give her some sort of kudos if she were to send it and suprise me with it again but no. Shes trying to make a profit out of my hard pilfering! So I’m most disgruntled. I’d imagine she doesn’t read this site anymore, nor would her brothers but if they do I wouldn’t mind having my D back like. I can give it a good loving safe home
Right… an update on my new trousers… my first clothes purchase of the year (And we’re now ebbing slowly into July) Attitude clothing ahve let me down and after amost a month ahve finally told me taht they can’t get them in stock as their suppliers have let them down…. meh meh meh… and what not so I’ve had to resort to eBay, so I’ve yet to see if anything will arrive or if I get bummed over like when I tried to buy that Papa Shango action figure… absolute raging over that still tbh. Hopefully I’ll get them in time before Friday, which brings me onto my next point…
Come Friday I’m jetting off (On a train) to sunny Sherborne (Currently overcast and drizzling) which if people can remember, before I lost the old site that Sherborne was the original first stop on Trippin’ with Benny 06. So I’ve reorganised to go back down there this weekend until Monday. Not entirely sure of the plan, all I know is I’m meeting Mamma Sal at the train station and shes hospitalityalising (Made that one up) until the end of a ball everyones at which is where I’ll go meet them. Then its going to random places like Glastonbury and St Somethings Somethings (Also known as “nekkid guy on the hill”) so I’ll be making a new video to add to my collection and purchasing another t shirt to be vandalising so I’ll make sure to upload that here and try and come up with some way of making the other movies accessible through this site rather than my MySpace
Now, as I’ve been working 2 jobs for the past 2 months my pay is looking very tasty indeed. In fact we’re talking 4 figures here. Which for me is McMental. So to celebrate this (Alongside the celebratory blackforest gateau for breakfast) I’ve splashed out and decided to go up in world. I’ve purchased not only a brand new toothbrush that looks like its recently returned from a rave and a new razor I’ve no progressed from the 3 blade razor… to the 4 blade razor Well I say that, I haven’t actually bought it. I thought I’d write pretending I had bought it today but then I thought well if it turns out to be utter wank then thats a whole blog post I have to avoid cos it proves I was bullshitting here. I went out with the intention of buying one, but all I could find was that vibrating wet shave one that that company does but there was no spare blades else I would ahve done. The Co-op are shit for razors. So I’m going to acquire a new one tomorrow as well as some nice shampoo and conditioner
And on the note of conditioner (Wish I’d started this post with this whole linking up thing, it works rather well. Althought this post is so big its turning my comnputer into the slowest computay that ever was born) beards feel so much better when you give thema wee shampoo and condition. Just a thought for anyone venturing out into the world of facial hair, though I’ve had various run ins when I’ve forgot it was there and managed to get shampoo in my mouth, tis not good
Right… I think that does that for now. So until my next post, probably after I return from Sherborne, takes it easy \o/
Actually I might make another one tomorrow detailing some of the changes I’ve got planned for retrojaffa. Most of which won’t happen but it makes me think I’m actually running a website. Gives me that warm feeling inside :’)
